1928 - Alderson High School - 1968

 

 

Peg With A Peg Leg
and
ďTHA LOOKĒ

Alice Ann Asbury - MAY 27, 2013

I recently ran into Boozer at the Big Wheel. We took a booth and began to talk. The conversation was quite telling of Boozer and so I think Iíll pass it along.

Alice: Boozer, you seem to be a little depressed. Are you still despondent because of the presidential election?


Boozer: No, my girl friend and I arenít getting along very well.

Alice: Your girl friend? I donít think Iíve met her.

Boozer: No, you probably havenít. Sheís from Ronceverte and when she comes to visit, we almost never leave the house.

Alice: Ok, whatís her name?

Boozer: Sheís called Peg.

Alice: Thatís a funny name for a woman. Is that her name or nick-name?

Boozer: Her nick-name.

Alice: Howíd she get it, do ya know?

Boozer: I guess she picked it up because she has a peg leg.

Alice: A peg leg?

Boozer: Yes, itís not a modern peg leg, itís like the peg legs you see in old pirate movies. Itís just a round piece of wood from the knee down. You can hear her walking down the street with her peg leg going click, click, click on the sidewalk.

Alice: Howíd you meet her?

Boozer: Pretty Penny introduced us. You remember Pretty Penny donít you, the friend of private detective Stone Cold?

Alice: Oh, sure. I remember our search for treasure on Half Way Island. I hope Pretty and Stone return to Alderson soon. I would enjoy seeing the both of them again.

Boozer: Well, Peg met Pretty and Stone while ďworking outĒ in a Lewisburg health club while practicing her karate.

Alice: Her karate?

Boozer: Yes, Peg has a black belt in karate. Itís said that Peg has a powerful karate kick. She stands on her good leg and kicks with her peg leg. I have heard that when she twirls round and round on her good leg and then kicks her opponentís head with her peg leg that the blow can be quite devastating.
 
Alice: Well, you said that you and Peg werenít getting along very well. I hope the two of you didnít have a fight and she gave you one of her karate kicks.

Boozer: Oh no, nothing like that.

Alice: So what seems to be the trouble between you and Peg?

Boozer: Well, I donít really know. She just doesnít seem to be interested.

Alice: Interested?

Boozer: Yes, interested, you know INTERESTED!

Alice: Oh, ok, I think I understand, maybe what you need is THA LOOK!

Boozer: The look? I donít know what you mean.

Alice: No, not the look, itís THA LOOK. Itís a special look that a man gives to a woman at various time when they are alone.

Boozer: I still donít know what you mean.

Alice: Well, think about it. If you watch TV you may be able to see it there from time-to-time.

Boozer: Ok, Iíll pay close attention. Maybe, as you suggest, I might learn something from watching TV.

At this point Alice Ann and Boozer went their separate ways only to meet up again at the Big Wheel a couple of months later.

Alice: Boozer, you seemed depressed the last time I saw you and you still seem depressed.

Boozer: Well, I am.

Alice: Whatís going on?

Boozer: You told me to watch TV and see if I couldnít see a man giving a woman THA LOOK. Well, I saw something that I thought might work for me in a Cialis commercial.

Alice: In a Cialis commercial?

Boozer: Yes, Cialis commercials are so prevalent on TV that I became aware of the Cialis Look.

Alice: The Cialis Look?

Boozer: Yes, youíve seen those Cialis commercials. In one commercial I saw, the man looks knowingly at a women and she then picks out a strand of her hair and twirls it around with her finger while at the same time snuggling down in her chair and giving her man her silent ďIím readyĒ signal.

Alice: Oh sure, Iíve seen looks like that before.

Boozer: Well, I thought maybe that look would work for me and I had hoped to get a similar response from Peg. I developed my Cialis Look in the bathroom mirror and I practiced it days on end until I thought I had it just right. I even put a couple of those big round galvanized tin wash tubs in the backyard for a pleasant soak after my Cialis Look, just like they do in those Cialis commercials.

Alice: Ok, so howíd it go?

Boozer: One evening when Peg was at the house, I decided to try it out. I conjured up my best Cialis Look and then it happened.

Alice: What happened? Tell me, tell me, I canít wait!

Boozer: Peg took one look at me, jumped from her chair and took her karate stance. For an instant I was afraid that she was about to give me one of her karate kicks with her peg leg and then she relaxed. She must have guessed I wasnít mad at her, but then she asked ďAre you having gas pains?ĒCan you believe it? After all my practice developing my Cialis Look, the only response my look elicited from Peg was ďAre you having gas pains?Ē Well, I quickly said no and hoping to recover the moment, I doubled my effort with my Cialis Look. I couldnít believe what happened next.

Alice: What? What?

Boozer: She twirled round and round on her good leg and kicked the phone from its cradle with her peg leg. Itís hard to believe but as if by magic the phone landed in her hand. Man does she have a great well controlled karate kick! Sheís so amazing that I almost forgot about my Cialis Look.

Alice: Ok, so what did she do next?

Boozer: She tried to call a doctor. I guess since I told her I wasnít having gas pains, she thought I was having a heart attack. However, I decided to continue with my Cialis Look but there was no further response from Peg. She just returned to her chair, shut her eyes and turned her head away from me. When she finally turned back, she was holding a big cross at armís length before me. I guess she must have pulled the cross from her purse. I just couldnít believe what was happening and that big cross left me dumbfounded. I still donít know what she meant by it.

Alice: A cross?

Boozer: Yes, you know, the kind of cross that some people wear around their neck on a chain. But this one was much bigger.
 
Alice: Oh, Boozer, Iím sorry it didnít work out for you. What did you hope to accomplish with your look?

Boozer: Well, I thought that if my Cialis Look worked, then Peg would agree that we would put on our bathing suits and have long soak in the tubs I put in the backyard, just like they do in the Cialis commercials.

Alice: Oh! Well, ok.

Boozer: Iím afraid that Peg will never return. When she was leaving, she gave me a strange look that I will never forget; like she thought I was crazy or something.
 
Alice: Oh Boozer, show me your Cialis Look, maybe I can help.

Boozer: What do you think of this?

Boozer furled his brow, opened his eyes widely to the point where they were bulging and contorted his lips as if he had just slid a Popsicle from his mouth with his lips curled around it, while at the same time he was somehow able to start his lips quivering.

Alice: Oh my God Boozer, Oh my God!

Boozer: Whatís wrong Alice?

Alice: Oh, Boozer! Keep practicing boy, keep on practicing. I donít think youíre quite there yet. I was so frightened by Boozerís Cialis Look that I couldnít move or say more. I know he really put a lot of effort into developing his look but it was quite disturbing and in fact very, very scary. I had never seen a face with such bulging eyes and quivering lips with a mouth so contorted. With a face like that Boozer would even scare the hell out of Lon Chaney and probably turn him into a zombie. However, as you probably know, Boozer is my friend, so I donít wish to make fun of him. I sincerely hope that Peg will return to Boozer, that he will be able to improve his Cialis Look and that it will prove successful with Peg. I know that Boozer is longing for he and Peg to ďdonĒ their bathing suits and have a long soak in those big round galvanized tubs he put in his backyard.
 

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