I recently ran into Boozer at the
Big Wheel. We took a booth and began to talk. The conversation was
quite telling of Boozer and so I think I’ll pass it along.
Alice: Boozer, you seem to be a little depressed. Are you still
despondent because of the presidential election?
Boozer: No, my girl friend and I
aren’t getting along very well.
Alice: Your girl friend? I don’t think I’ve met her.
Boozer: No, you probably haven’t. She’s from Ronceverte and when she
comes to visit, we almost never leave the house.
Alice: Ok, what’s her name?
Boozer: She’s called Peg.
Alice: That’s a funny name for a woman. Is that her name or
nick-name?
Boozer: Her nick-name.
Alice: How’d she get it, do ya know?
Boozer: I guess she picked it up because she has a peg leg.
Alice: A peg leg?
Boozer: Yes, it’s not a modern peg leg, it’s like the peg legs you
see in old pirate movies. It’s just a round piece of wood from the
knee down. You can hear her walking down the street with her peg leg
going click, click, click on the sidewalk.
Alice: How’d you meet her?
Boozer: Pretty Penny introduced us. You remember Pretty Penny don’t
you, the friend of private detective Stone Cold?
Alice: Oh, sure. I remember our search for treasure on Half Way
Island. I hope Pretty and Stone return to Alderson soon. I would
enjoy seeing the both of them again.
Boozer: Well, Peg met Pretty and Stone while “working out” in a
Lewisburg health club while practicing her karate.
Alice: Her karate?
Boozer: Yes, Peg has a black belt in karate. It’s said that Peg has
a powerful karate kick. She stands on her good leg and kicks with
her peg leg. I have heard that when she twirls round and round on
her good leg and then kicks her opponent’s head with her peg leg
that the blow can be quite devastating.
Alice: Well, you said that you and Peg weren’t getting along very
well. I hope the two of you didn’t have a fight and she gave you one
of her karate kicks.
Boozer: Oh no, nothing like that.
Alice: So what seems to be the trouble between you and Peg?
Boozer: Well, I don’t really know. She just doesn’t seem to be
interested.
Alice: Interested?
Boozer: Yes, interested, you know INTERESTED!
Alice: Oh, ok, I think I understand, maybe what you need is THA
LOOK!
Boozer: The look? I don’t know what you mean.
Alice: No, not the look, it’s THA LOOK. It’s a special look that a
man gives to a woman at various time when they are alone.
Boozer: I still don’t know what you mean.
Alice: Well, think about it. If you watch TV you may be able to see
it there from time-to-time.
Boozer: Ok, I’ll pay close attention. Maybe, as you suggest, I might
learn something from watching TV.
At this point Alice Ann and Boozer went their separate ways only to
meet up again at the Big Wheel a couple of months later.
Alice: Boozer, you seemed depressed the last time I saw you and you
still seem depressed.
Boozer: Well, I am.
Alice: What’s going on?
Boozer: You told me to watch TV and see if I couldn’t see a man
giving a woman THA LOOK. Well, I saw something that I thought might
work for me in a Cialis commercial.
Alice: In a Cialis commercial?
Boozer: Yes, Cialis commercials are so prevalent on TV that I became
aware of the Cialis Look.
Alice: The Cialis Look?
Boozer: Yes, you’ve seen those Cialis commercials. In one commercial
I saw, the man looks knowingly at a women and she then picks out a
strand of her hair and twirls it around with her finger while at the
same time snuggling down in her chair and giving her man her silent
“I’m ready” signal.
Alice: Oh sure, I’ve seen looks like that before.
Boozer: Well, I thought maybe that look would work for me and I had
hoped to get a similar response from Peg. I developed my Cialis Look
in the bathroom mirror and I practiced it days on end until I
thought I had it just right. I even put a couple of those big round
galvanized tin wash tubs in the backyard for a pleasant soak after
my Cialis Look, just like they do in those Cialis commercials.
Alice: Ok, so how’d it go?
Boozer: One evening when Peg was at the house, I decided to try it
out. I conjured up my best Cialis Look and then it happened.
Alice: What happened? Tell me, tell me, I can’t wait!
Boozer: Peg took one look at me, jumped from her chair and took her
karate stance. For an instant I was afraid that she was about to
give me one of her karate kicks with her peg leg and then she
relaxed. She must have guessed I wasn’t mad at her, but then she
asked “Are you having gas pains?”Can you believe it? After all my
practice developing my Cialis Look, the only response my look
elicited from Peg was “Are you having gas pains?” Well, I quickly
said no and hoping to recover the moment, I doubled my effort with
my Cialis Look. I couldn’t believe what happened next.
Alice: What? What?
Boozer: She twirled round and round on her good leg and kicked the
phone from its cradle with her peg leg. It’s hard to believe but as
if by magic the phone landed in her hand. Man does she have a great
well controlled karate kick! She’s so amazing that I almost forgot
about my Cialis Look.
Alice: Ok, so what did she do next?
Boozer: She tried to call a doctor. I guess since I told her I
wasn’t having gas pains, she thought I was having a heart attack.
However, I decided to continue with my Cialis Look but there was no
further response from Peg. She just returned to her chair, shut her
eyes and turned her head away from me. When she finally turned back,
she was holding a big cross at arm’s length before me. I guess she
must have pulled the cross from her purse. I just couldn’t believe
what was happening and that big cross left me dumbfounded. I still
don’t know what she meant by it.
Alice: A cross?
Boozer: Yes, you know, the kind of cross that some people wear
around their neck on a chain. But this one was much bigger.
Alice: Oh, Boozer, I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you. What did
you hope to accomplish with your look?
Boozer: Well, I thought that if my Cialis Look worked, then Peg
would agree that we would put on our bathing suits and have long
soak in the tubs I put in the backyard, just like they do in the
Cialis commercials.
Alice: Oh! Well, ok.
Boozer: I’m afraid that Peg will never return. When she was leaving,
she gave me a strange look that I will never forget; like she
thought I was crazy or something.
Alice: Oh Boozer, show me your Cialis Look, maybe I can help.
Boozer: What do you think of this?
Boozer furled his brow, opened his eyes widely to the point where
they were bulging and contorted his lips as if he had just slid a
Popsicle from his mouth with his lips curled around it, while at the
same time he was somehow able to start his lips quivering.
Alice: Oh my God Boozer, Oh my God!
Boozer: What’s wrong Alice?
Alice: Oh, Boozer! Keep practicing boy, keep on practicing. I don’t
think you’re quite there yet. I was so frightened by Boozer’s Cialis
Look that I couldn’t move or say more. I know he really put a lot of
effort into developing his look but it was quite disturbing and in
fact very, very scary. I had never seen a face with such bulging
eyes and quivering lips with a mouth so contorted. With a face like
that Boozer would even scare the hell out of Lon Chaney and probably
turn him into a zombie. However, as you probably know, Boozer is my
friend, so I don’t wish to make fun of him. I sincerely hope that
Peg will return to Boozer, that he will be able to improve his
Cialis Look and that it will prove successful with Peg. I know that
Boozer is longing for he and Peg to “don” their bathing suits and
have a long soak in those big round galvanized tubs he put in his
backyard.
