Let me begin by stating that the following
conversations did take place. As you probably know my Scout’s honor
forbids me from writing anything that I believe to be untrue and I
wouldn’t think of pulling your leg. I first learned of global
warming from an old-timer and now retired faculty member at a
university I once attended and whom I have befriended since my time
at that university. After many discussions with him on global
warming, I guess that he finally decided to take me into his
confidence and to tell me the truth about global warming. Since he
did not instruct me to keep our conversations secret, I feel free to
report on them in the pages of the Aldersonian. This professor first
told me of global warming several years before it came to the
attention of the world and he has now told me that global warming is
a hoax. He considers global warming to be the biggest hoax ever
perpetrated on the people of the world. Out of respect for this now
retired faculty member and in order to keep his academic reputation
intact, I will call him Dr. XXX.
I will, at times, paraphrase our conservations doing my best to
convey the exact meaning of the conversations as they actually took
place. I will also take poetic license and report the conversations
as if they took place at one sitting rather than the several
conversations we had over a period of time.
The Truth About Global Warming
P.E.B: Dr. XXX, I am a little disturbed that Rush Limbaugh keeps
insisting that global warming is a hoax. What do you think about
Dr. XXX: Well, it is a hoax! Yes, indeed, it is a hoax, a really big
one. I have never told you the full story of global warming before,
but since I have known you for so long, I don’t feel comfortable
keeping you in the dark any longer. I think it’s now time for me to
“fess up” and reveal the true story of global warming.
P.E.B: But Professor, you have always lead me to believe that global
warming was based on valid science.
Dr. XXX: Yes, I know. But since I am a participant in perpetuating
the hoax, I didn’t feel that I could let my colleagues in science
down, by revealing the truth. However, it has become apparent to me
that the hoax has gone too far and that, unless the truth is
revealed, many countries of the world might take steps to combat
global warming that will be harmful to their economies and, in turn,
be harmful to their people.
P.E.B: How did this hoax get started?
Dr. XXX: Well, it’s a long story that started back when I was
beginning my career. As you know, I am a climatologist and I am sure
that you know that I often attended international conferences on
P.E.B: Yes, I know and I know that you have, over the years, become
internationally known for your expertise in this area. I also know
that you have published many learned papers on this subject in
respected, peer reviewed journals.
Dr. XXX: Yes, I guess that’s true, but the hoax of global warming
started some years ago at one of these conferences. I was approached
by a climatologist from a European university. He was disturbed that
there was very little government support in the way of grants for
our area of study. His point was that the scientific community
needed to do something to increase this support.
P.E.B: O.K. but what did he have in mind?
Dr. XXX: Well, he said that we should get a group of scientists
together from around the world who would agree to make climatology
an important issue. I didn’t know exactly how that could be
accomplished, so I asked him to elaborate further. He then indicated
that he wanted this group of scientists to publish papers that would
indicate that the world is getting warmer. He said that this could
easily be accomplished by “tweaking” the data on the weather. He
thought that if we could “raise alarm bells”, then government grants
would be forthcoming.
P.E.B: But Dr. XXX, that would be very difficult to accomplish. A
paper on weather patterns and their effect on the earth is reviewed
by at least three other scientists who are also experts in this
area. The paper must receive favorable reviews from these experts
before it can be accepted for publication. If one or more of them
find that the conclusions of the paper won’t “hold water”, then the
paper will be rejected. Also, what about your academic reputation if
this group of scientists is “found out”?
Dr. XXX: Yes, publication is a problem, but the idea was to make the
group of scientists large enough to include all the reviewers around
the world of scientific papers on climatology. As far as my academic
reputation is concerned, I thought about it for a while and by the
end of the conference I decided to participate. I concluded that
since we have been called “pointy headed” scientists for so long by
many people outside of academia that perpetrating a hoax on these
people would be just too much fun to pass up. The possible increase
in grant money from the government had nothing to do with my
P.E.B: But Professor, this seems like a task that is bound to fail.
For example, the group scientists who are to perpetrate the hoax of
global warming would have to include, at the very least, scientists
from around the world who study ocean temperatures, those who study
coral reefs in the ocean, those who study weather patterns of the
past by looking at ice core drillings, those who study glaciers and
many, many more scientists whose area of expertise impact
conclusions about global warming. Not only that, but the group would
also have to include those scientists who serve as reviewers of
scientific papers submitted for consideration for publication in the
numerous scientific journals dealing with climatology.
Dr. XXX: Yes, that’s true and that has been accomplished. Remember,
this started well over 30 years ago and so a lot of time and effort
has been expended to accomplish this task. The group of scientists
from around the world who have agreed to participate in the hoax now
numbers well over 2000. It is my understanding, that these
scientists, just like myself, are unconcerned about their scientific
reputation and grant money and that they have decided to participate
for the exact reason that I gave; this would simply be just too much
fun to pass up when perpetrating a hoax on people who think of us as
“pointy headed” scientists.
P.E.B: Oh, come on Doc, you gotta be pulling my leg! You mean that a
world-wide conspiracy is taking place on global warming involving
over 2000 scientists. Isn’t it just human nature for one or more of
these scientists to go rogue and tell the truth? Wouldn’t we expect
that there would be at least one scientist who would break rank,
scream “bloody murder” and reveal the hoax.
Dr. XXX: Yes, it’s sometimes hard for me to believe as well, but not
one scientist has broken rank. A really dedicated group of hoaxers,
don’t you think?
P.E.B: Well, yes, but most of the scientific societies from around
the world have signed on to the science of global warming. This
includes, among many others, the science academies of Australia,
Belgium, Brazil, Canada, China, France, Germany, India, Indonesia,
Ireland, Italy, Malaysia, New Zealand, Russia, Sweden, Turkey, and
the United Kingdom as well as NASA, the National Aeronautics and
Space Administration, the United States National Academy of Science
and NOAA, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Are
you asking me to believe that these societies are also participating
in the hoax?
Dr. XXX: These scientific societies have indeed signed on to the
hoax of global warming though they may be unaware that it actually
is a hoax. It seems that enough scientists from our group actually
belong to these societies and that they are able to control their
societies’ point of view.
P.E.B: But what about Rush Limbaugh?
Dr. XXX: Well, this seems to have Rush going in circles. Apparently,
he must believe that the warnings of global warming are real and so
he is willing to spend a great deal of time trying to debunk global
warming. Clearly, he wouldn’t do so if he knew that global warming
really is a hoax that may be revealed as a hoax in the near future.
Scientists in our group derive a great deal of pleasure from seeing
Rush contort himself in this manner over global warming. They
believe that if the truth about global warming is ever revealed,
then Rush will look quite the fool in that he has been fooled into
taking global warming seriously.
P.E.B: But what do you think motivates Rush to spend so much energy
on global warming?
Dr. XXX: I guess that if the world accepts global warming as a real
phenomenon, then Rush is scared that he will somehow lose a bean or
two off his plate. I suspect that deep down this is the reason that
he and others want to debunk global warming.
P.E.B: Well Doc, all of this is hard for me to believe, but I know
that you would never ever, ever dream of pulling my leg. It’s
amazing to me that such a large number of respected and dedicated
scientists from around the world have “come together” to perpetrate
and maintain such a gigantic hoax on the people of the world; this
without a single scientist in the group breaking rank and revealing
the actual truth of it.