Let me begin by stating that the following conversations did take place. As you probably know my Scout’s honor forbids me from writing anything that I believe to be untrue and I wouldn’t think of pulling your leg. I first learned of global warming from an old-timer and now retired faculty member at a university I once attended and whom I have befriended since my time at that university. After many discussions with him on global warming, I guess that he finally decided to take me into his confidence and to tell me the truth about global warming. Since he did not instruct me to keep our conversations secret, I feel free to report on them in the pages of the Aldersonian. This professor first told me of global warming several years before it came to the attention of the world and he has now told me that global warming is a hoax. He considers global warming to be the biggest hoax ever perpetrated on the people of the world. Out of respect for this now retired faculty member and in order to keep his academic reputation intact, I will call him Dr. XXX.

I will, at times, paraphrase our conservations doing my best to convey the exact meaning of the conversations as they actually took place. I will also take poetic license and report the conversations as if they took place at one sitting rather than the several conversations we had over a period of time.
 
The Truth About Global Warming

P.E.B: Dr. XXX, I am a little disturbed that Rush Limbaugh keeps insisting that global warming is a hoax. What do you think about that?

Dr. XXX: Well, it is a hoax! Yes, indeed, it is a hoax, a really big one. I have never told you the full story of global warming before, but since I have known you for so long, I don’t feel comfortable keeping you in the dark any longer. I think it’s now time for me to “fess up” and reveal the true story of global warming.

P.E.B: But Professor, you have always lead me to believe that global warming was based on valid science.

Dr. XXX: Yes, I know. But since I am a participant in perpetuating the hoax, I didn’t feel that I could let my colleagues in science down, by revealing the truth. However, it has become apparent to me that the hoax has gone too far and that, unless the truth is revealed, many countries of the world might take steps to combat global warming that will be harmful to their economies and, in turn, be harmful to their people.

P.E.B: How did this hoax get started?

Dr. XXX: Well, it’s a long story that started back when I was beginning my career. As you know, I am a climatologist and I am sure that you know that I often attended international conferences on this subject.

P.E.B: Yes, I know and I know that you have, over the years, become internationally known for your expertise in this area. I also know that you have published many learned papers on this subject in respected, peer reviewed journals.

Dr. XXX: Yes, I guess that’s true, but the hoax of global warming started some years ago at one of these conferences. I was approached by a climatologist from a European university. He was disturbed that there was very little government support in the way of grants for our area of study. His point was that the scientific community needed to do something to increase this support.

P.E.B: O.K. but what did he have in mind?

Dr. XXX: Well, he said that we should get a group of scientists together from around the world who would agree to make climatology an important issue. I didn’t know exactly how that could be accomplished, so I asked him to elaborate further. He then indicated that he wanted this group of scientists to publish papers that would indicate that the world is getting warmer. He said that this could easily be accomplished by “tweaking” the data on the weather. He thought that if we could “raise alarm bells”, then government grants would be forthcoming.

P.E.B: But Dr. XXX, that would be very difficult to accomplish. A paper on weather patterns and their effect on the earth is reviewed by at least three other scientists who are also experts in this area. The paper must receive favorable reviews from these experts before it can be accepted for publication. If one or more of them find that the conclusions of the paper won’t “hold water”, then the paper will be rejected. Also, what about your academic reputation if this group of scientists is “found out”?

Dr. XXX: Yes, publication is a problem, but the idea was to make the group of scientists large enough to include all the reviewers around the world of scientific papers on climatology. As far as my academic reputation is concerned, I thought about it for a while and by the end of the conference I decided to participate. I concluded that since we have been called “pointy headed” scientists for so long by many people outside of academia that perpetrating a hoax on these people would be just too much fun to pass up. The possible increase in grant money from the government had nothing to do with my decision.

P.E.B: But Professor, this seems like a task that is bound to fail. For example, the group scientists who are to perpetrate the hoax of global warming would have to include, at the very least, scientists from around the world who study ocean temperatures, those who study coral reefs in the ocean, those who study weather patterns of the past by looking at ice core drillings, those who study glaciers and many, many more scientists whose area of expertise impact conclusions about global warming. Not only that, but the group would also have to include those scientists who serve as reviewers of scientific papers submitted for consideration for publication in the numerous scientific journals dealing with climatology.

Dr. XXX: Yes, that’s true and that has been accomplished. Remember, this started well over 30 years ago and so a lot of time and effort has been expended to accomplish this task. The group of scientists from around the world who have agreed to participate in the hoax now numbers well over 2000. It is my understanding, that these scientists, just like myself, are unconcerned about their scientific reputation and grant money and that they have decided to participate for the exact reason that I gave; this would simply be just too much fun to pass up when perpetrating a hoax on people who think of us as “pointy headed” scientists.
 
P.E.B: Oh, come on Doc, you gotta be pulling my leg! You mean that a world-wide conspiracy is taking place on global warming involving over 2000 scientists. Isn’t it just human nature for one or more of these scientists to go rogue and tell the truth? Wouldn’t we expect that there would be at least one scientist who would break rank, scream “bloody murder” and reveal the hoax.

Dr. XXX: Yes, it’s sometimes hard for me to believe as well, but not one scientist has broken rank. A really dedicated group of hoaxers, don’t you think?

P.E.B: Well, yes, but most of the scientific societies from around the world have signed on to the science of global warming. This includes, among many others, the science academies of Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, China, France, Germany, India, Indonesia, Ireland, Italy, Malaysia, New Zealand, Russia, Sweden, Turkey, and the United Kingdom as well as NASA, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, the United States National Academy of Science and NOAA, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Are you asking me to believe that these societies are also participating in the hoax?

Dr. XXX: These scientific societies have indeed signed on to the hoax of global warming though they may be unaware that it actually is a hoax. It seems that enough scientists from our group actually belong to these societies and that they are able to control their societies’ point of view.

P.E.B: But what about Rush Limbaugh?

Dr. XXX: Well, this seems to have Rush going in circles. Apparently, he must believe that the warnings of global warming are real and so he is willing to spend a great deal of time trying to debunk global warming. Clearly, he wouldn’t do so if he knew that global warming really is a hoax that may be revealed as a hoax in the near future. Scientists in our group derive a great deal of pleasure from seeing Rush contort himself in this manner over global warming. They believe that if the truth about global warming is ever revealed, then Rush will look quite the fool in that he has been fooled into taking global warming seriously.

P.E.B: But what do you think motivates Rush to spend so much energy on global warming?

Dr. XXX: I guess that if the world accepts global warming as a real phenomenon, then Rush is scared that he will somehow lose a bean or two off his plate. I suspect that deep down this is the reason that he and others want to debunk global warming.

P.E.B: Well Doc, all of this is hard for me to believe, but I know that you would never ever, ever dream of pulling my leg. It’s amazing to me that such a large number of respected and dedicated scientists from around the world have “come together” to perpetrate and maintain such a gigantic hoax on the people of the world; this without a single scientist in the group breaking rank and revealing the actual truth of it.