1928 - Alderson High School - 1968


Freemasons, The Knights Templar,
Magic Underwear and
The Death of A. A. Asbury
Paul E. Bland March 1, 2010

It is sad to have to report that A. A. Asbury is dead, or at least that is what I have been led to believe. A. A. was visiting Scotland and that is where he supposedly died. I have to say that I am not sure that he is actually dead, but the following has been reported to me by Scottish officials over the internet. Unfortunately, some background information is necessary to explain the report.


You may or may not have heard the story of Wire’s teeth. Wire was a likeable fellow who hung out at the local pool hall racking balls and playing pool games for money. It seems that Wire had false teeth, both uppers and lowers, that he was quite proud of. One fine Saturday afternoon he and several fellow “poolhallers” decided to set out for Detroit to get a job. Upon arriving in Detroit, Wire was able to obtain employment in a car factory. Now Wire always had an eye for the ladies and while in Detroit he met a young lady who he wanted to invite out for dinner when he became “flush” after his first payday. After receiving his first paycheck, he invited the young woman to dinner. At the conclusion of their meal, Wire noticed that the young lady had not eaten her meat. Wire inquired as to the difficultly and the young lady, somewhat embarrassed, told Wire that she could not eat the meat since she was also without teeth. Now Wire was an accommodating sort of fellow, so in an effort to impress the lady and show compassion he offered her his teeth. She tried the teeth which seemed to fit her quite nicely and she began to eat the meat. Shortly after finishing her meat, she excused herself to go to the ladies room and failed to return. Moreover, the young lady never returned to work, so Wire’s teeth disappeared without a trace. After working the required number of weeks to be eligible for unemployment, Wire returned to Alderson, toothless. He took quite a “ribbing” from the fellows at the pool hall when the story of his teeth became known.

By now you are probably asking yourself, what does the disappearance of Wire’s teeth have to do with the death of A. A. Asbury? Well, after an extensive investigation, I have learned that the disappearance of Wire’s teeth is closely connected to the Freemasons, to the Knights Templar and to the death of A. A. To connect all of this, we need a little history of the Freemasons and the Knights Templar.


The origins and early development of freemasonry are a matter of some debate and conjecture. There is evidence to suggest that there were Masonic Lodges in existence in Scotland as early as the late sixteenth century. Scotland has records that date to the late 1500s and there are clear references to the existence of lodges in England by the mid-seventeenth century. The Grand Lodge of Ireland and The Grand Lodge of Scotland were formed in 1725 and 1736, respectively. Freemasonry was exported to the British Colonies in North America by the 1730s and after the American Revolution, independent U.S. Grand Lodges formed themselves within each state. Many of the founding fathers were Freemasons and, in fact, George Washington was the first Grand Master of the Virginia lodge.

Freemasons have also been connected with a mysterious order called the Knights Templar. These knights were monks who took up arms in 1118 A.D. in order to protect Christian pilgrims traveling to Jerusalem. According to legend, the Knights Templar discovered the greatest treasure in history buried in the ruins of King Solomon’s temple in Jerusalem. The Knights became rich—so rich, in fact, that they were the targets of envy and suspicion. In 1307, King Philip IV of France had all, or at least he thought all, of the Knights Templar arrested so that he could take possession of their lands and their great wealth. He failed to find the treasure and what happened to the Knights after their imprisonment remains a mystery. Some say that those who escaped imprisonment went into hiding and continued their work in secret, only to reemerge in Europe and eventually in America, where they developed secret handshakes, code words and other signs to identify themselves to other Freemasons and Knights Templar.

It is thought that the Freemasons and the Knights Templar are still wealthy beyond our wildest dreams and that only a small portion of the Treasure of Jerusalem has been spent.

Unbeknown to most, governments in the Middle East have been seeking this treasure for years. They feel that the treasure and the artifacts that it contains rightly belong to them. The hunt has been extensive and little quarter has been given to those who might have a clue as to where the treasure is today. The Freemasons as well as the Knights Templar also believe that Scientologists, followers of L. Ron Hubbard, are after the treasure.


The orthodontist who crafted Wire’s teeth was a 15th degree Freemason who held one of several important clues as to the location of the Treasure of Jerusalem. This somehow became known to the treasure hunters from the Middle East and they threatened him with great bodily harm if he didn’t divulge the clue. The orthodontist didn’t know exactly what to do, so he drilled a small hole in one of Wire’s teeth and hid a microdot containing the clue in the tooth. The orthodontist didn’t divulge the information about the microdot to his tormentors and before he died on the rack, he was able to get a message to the Freemasons in Alderson informing them of what he had done. The lodge members in Alderson desperately tried to get in touch with Wire, but by this time he was already in Detroit.

So the young lady in Detroit who walked off with Wire’s teeth walked away with an extremely important clue to the location of the Treasure of Jerusalem.


The Freemasons of Alderson were desperate to find Wire’s teeth, so they turned to A. A. Asbury. They knew that A. A., who was also a Freemason, was the best person in Alderson to search for Wire’s teeth. After discussions over many weeks, A. A. agreed to conduct a worldwide search. However, A. A. insisted on being dubbed a Knight Templar before he would undertake such a quest. So the Freemasons of Alderson called a meeting of the lodge and A. A. went through a secret ceremony and became a Knight Templar.

A. A. was a follower of the Mormons, so immediately after becoming a Knight he went home and put on his magic underwear. A. A. thought that this underwear would protect him from evil. He also believed that his magic drawers would eventually bring him x-ray vision, the ability to fly and he thought that when he died he'd inherit his own planet to rule. Like most of the Mormon practices, magic underwear, known as Garments or simply G’s, seems to be a poorly kept secret. The magic underwear is worn under real underwear. Picture a woman wearing a man's T-shirt and boxer briefs under her bra and panties, that's the look.


A. A. first searched for Wire’s teeth in New Zealand where he found nothing after a year of searching. It is unknown where A. A. got his information as to where to search for Wire’s teeth, but he traveled in England next. He searched for the teeth in Wales and other parts of England with no success, so he finally decided to look in Scotland. Along the way, A. A. had acquired a traveling companion called Pancho. Pancho was a Mexican who was an illegal immigrant in England. Pancho knew that England offered great benefits for illegals, so he decided to slip into England rather than the United States. A. A. promised Pancho the governorship of Ireland if he would be his squire. Pancho agreed and they traveled throughout Scotland finally arriving in the highlands. There were no roads to be found, so they acquired horses. A. A., ever mindful of the fact that he was a Knight Templar, dressed himself in an old suit of armor, lance and all.

On their first day in the highlands, A. A. and Pancho ended up at an inn which A. A. thought was a castle. A. A and Pancho spent the night there, with A. A. holding vigil over his armor. While at the inn, A. A. engaged in a fight with treasure hunters from the Middle East, who had somehow learned of the importance of Wire’s teeth. A. A. vanquished these hunters, but he knew that this was not to be the end of it. He prepared himself for battle the next day.

The next morning A. A. and Pancho set out to explore the highlands. As they came upon the crest of a hill A. A. spotted, at some distance away, rows and rows of wind turbines that the government of Scotland had built to generate electricity.

Since the field of turbines was at some distance, A. A. mistook this for an army of treasure hunters from the Middle East. Pancho warned A. A. that this was not an army, but A. A. simply could not see the truth. He pulled down his face guard, which obstructed his vision somewhat, hollered Battle, lowered his lance and charged, intent on jousting with the soldiers from the Middle East. He rode throughout the field of wind turbines, jousting at the arms of the “soldiers.” It was reported that one of the arms of the turbines struck A. A. on the back of his head and he was thrown from his horse and killed.

Of course, Pancho was quite distressed by losing his Master, but he was even more distressed by losing the governorship of Ireland.

So is A. A. actually dead? If the report from Scotland is to be believed, then we all must agree that A. A. gave a Quixotian effort in the search for Wire’s teeth. If A. A. is dead, then it seems that his magic underwear did not work and we still don’t know where Wire’s teeth have “gone to.” I can only say that if A. A. is dead, then it is my fondest hope that his magic underwear will, at the very least, provide him with a planet to rule in his afterlife.