Well, I didn't start off too good
statement is not all together true. I just thought it was a good title. But a lot of
humorous things do happen in church.
Since 1974 church has been a big part of my life. Not only did I study the
bible, sing in the choir, and ran sound during the services, I also enjoyed
the funny things that happen in church. And some of it was my own making, if
not just in a physical sense, but also in my mind.
A few years after joining my church our choir director talked me into
joining the choir. I had played several instruments most of my life, but
singing wasn’t my strong suite, if anything was. But I could hit the right
notes and stay on pitch but I had never developed my voice as a singer. I
remember back at good old AHS hearing the chorus practicing and wishing I
was in there with them. I never had the confidence.
If you sang in the choir, you get to see what the preacher
sees all the time. At one period of time our choir would stay in our seats
behind the preacher thru his sermon and we had the chance to observe the
congregation. Of course they could observe us also. You get to know who
can’t stay awake and see those who yawns and yawns. There are
those who “fidget” in there seats and the worst, those who feel they must
have a conversation while the sermon is going on.
When I ran sound from the back of the room, I had a view of every
thing that was going on. Our pastor used to occasionally do a little thing
when he would notice if some were asleep, and intentionally lower his voice
a for a period of time and then put a very loud exclamation on one word. If
was fun to see several jump. I guess those were the ones asleep.
Sometime when the mics were up a bit too high in volume, they would squeal,
that would attract attention and several people would turn around and look
at me like it was my fault, which it was. If anyone would mention it to me,
I would just say I was doing my part to keep everyone awake.
I read a book call “101 Things to Do During a Dull Sermon”. I can only think
of a few of them, but I’ll mention them here, hoping it will help during a dull sermon.
1. This on works better from the beginning of the service.
If you have lights or microphones hanging over the stage, you can imagine
they are lasers and if anyone is standing or walks directly under them (from
your angle of course), you fire your imaginary laser and take them out. You
can keep score; 100 points for the Pastor, 50 points for Deacons, if you
have Deacons, and only
25 points for choir members since they are the greatest in number on the
stage. And, if you happen to be positioned in the right place, the pianist
or organist could be in your site and you can take them out also. In some
cases it wouldn't be a bad thing.
Some folks bring toddlers in the service and sometime they will stand in the
seat facing the people behind them. Usually the child just stares and
smiles. If you are one of the people behind this child, start making
faces at the child in hopes of making them laugh or cry.
3. This is my favorite.
If you are seated on the back row, start crawling under the pews toward the
front and see how far you get before anyone notices.
Proverbs 17:22 says: A joyful heart
is good medicine. Somehow I don't think this is what God had in mind.
Some of you must have a mind as warped
as mine so you can add your little diversion in the comment box below.
Personally I would love to hear them.