1928 - Alderson High School - 1968



Alex McLaughlin - April 20, 2011

I had had just about enough about all of the negativism and fatalism about some of the writers on the Aldersonian suggesting that no one would ever find Wire Grimmett’s teeth. . Sometimes in the mystery movie the sleuth looks all over the world for the missing asset or person, only to find that the object that is missing is right under his nose. Again using my deductive reasoning (or inductive if that is what it really is) I thought hard for several days and it hit me like a bolt of lightning. Wire's teeth must be in a safety deposit box in the Alderson branch of City National Bank. Some people were misleading us to look over in Scotland or wherever. Heck, they were in the bank building all of the time. After some more thinking I came to the conclusion that no one in the bank would just let me walk in and go through the safety deposit boxes one by one. I was also pretty sure that I couldn’t do that even with a court order.

I called up my friend Rick Hughes and asked if he had any idea of how we could get into those safety deposit boxes without someone finding out. Rick said, “You are crazy and out of your mind.” I embellished a little and told Rick it might involve tens of thousands of dollars if we found Wire's teeth. Rick replied “That puts a different spin on things old chap. When do we start?” Now they wouldn't probably be worth that much but they might be worth a lot to Bruiser Bland. But getting their true value out of him would probably be like getting blood out of a turnip. He still possessed the first dime that he ever made. But I was getting away ahead of myself. I had to possess them first.

Well I convinced Rick that we had to find a way to get into the bank and that he had to meet me on a summer night, not unlike the night we had the fiasco at Elvin Keadle’s' Esso station. Well it was a June night and we camped out, unbeknownst to anyone, below some of the Pine trees at the Cedars. Well maybe they were cedar trees. Neither of us knew for sure. We waited and waited till about 11 pm until there was almost no traffic on Route 12 or on East Hemlock Avenue. We snuck down to the bank and looked into the window. Then someone tripped over us I thought it must be the law. Instead it was Professor Paul Bland; I asked Bruiser what he was doing here. It took him awhile and he said that he had some deposits in the bank and was checking on them. I said “This is me and Rick Hughes you are talking to and that is a cockamamie story. I think that you are here for the same reason that we are, to find Wire's teeth.” Bruiser fell back and said “I can't imagine what would give you that idea.”

Well we all agreed the next day to go into the bank and ask Bobby Holliday who ran the bank about getting into the safety deposit boxes. When we were seated in Bobby’s office we dropped the question. Bobby stood up and walked towards the window and said,” Boys you are too late. Just two days ago a gentleman named Sergei Grimmett came in, said that he was Wire’s distant cousin, and was here as a matter of national security to go through the safe deposit boxes. He also said that he was with the KGB and was from Moscow Russia.” Bruiser asked," You didn’t let him go through the boxes did you?" Bobby replied “He said it was for national security.” Then Rick exploded, “Russian national security Bob not American national security how could you let him do that.” Bobby replied “He was very nice and said the nicest thing that anyone ever said to me in my banking career.” Sergei said "Comrade Bob you are a capitalist Zionist American banker.”

Well that really put a damper on things and I was already to give up when Bruiser said “I have heard that Barry Worrell who does the Aldersonian is a computer genius. Maybe we can get him to hack into Sergei Grimmett’s computer to see if Sergei found the teeth in the safety deposit boxes.” After much discussion Barry finally agreed to hack into Sergei’s computer. After a couple of months Barry emailed us to say that he had intercepted an email from Sergei to his superior Boris Pasternak. Barry indicated that Sergei had indeed opened a deposit box and found a note from Wire regarding the mystery of where the teeth were hidden. The instructions would not confirm or deny the actual existence of the teeth. But Wire said that he wanted the people of Alderson to always remember him and that one way to do that was for people to talk about his teeth forever.

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