In just a few days, early on Sunday morning, tens of thousands of sleepy
eyed fathers all over the world will be made to sit in their favorite chair,
told to close their eyes while wide eyed children will drag in a that looks
like it survived the Pan Am air disaster over Scotland and place it in his
lap.
There are thousands of companies who have spent untold millions of dollars
in advertising over the last three weeks to give everyone a nudge over which
present to give dear old dad. Lazy-boy has come out with a chair that has
built in refrigerator that will hold 12 cold ones along with an array of
sandwich spreads and meats. The viberater and foot warmer are added options
and the universal clicker that needs no pre-programming is a must for the
62 inch screen that puts you on the 50 yard line for all your favorite teams.
General Motors has undraped a model pickup so advanced and with so many options,
the occupant only has to come home once a week to drop off and pick up clean
laundry. With on board computers and in the door brief case this marvel of
travel would make the latest limos bow in envy as they pass.
One golf company has come out with a big Bertha driver that is so big and
accurate that the user must only come within a foot or so of the ball with
his drive off the tee and the ball will soar 312 yards straight down the
fairway.
Dad, opening his eyes and looking down must act completely surprised as he
unwraps the only secured corner of surprise package. Inside he finds to his
complete amazement........a tie.
I remember my first fathers day tie. It was a work of some guy who seemed
to have discovered a vast field of whacky-tobaccy in his back 40 and decided
the only way to get rid of this stuff was to burn it in small portions as
to not raise the suspicions of the neighbors or the local law enforcement
officials. I looked at that tie in true amazement and then tried to figure
<out how I was going to wear this thing to work or any other function.
If I wore it to work the boss was going to ask me if I had fell off the wagon.
If I wore it to church the preacher would surely want an account of how I
spent my Saturday night. The following morning dressed for work in the new
tie I was sent off to work knowing that the children firmly believed had
made me the centerfold for QC. Little did they know and I never told, that
down the street a couple of blocks I secreted a tie out of my inside coat
pocket and changed before going on to my job. Of course it was re-hung about
my neck just in time for me to re-enter the house.
I have owned a lot of ties in my time. Women buy clothes and
accessories
and remember the functions or dates they wore them on. Men remember the functions
and dates by the food left on their ties. Oh yes, you say to yourself as
you scrape off the red stuff that you remember as the best clam sauce you
ever had or the brown stuff that you are sure came from the best sizzling
steak ever served. I have often suggested to fellow workers and church goers
that men ought to trade off ties every month or so. For no other reason than
to give them a change in menus.
A fellow once told me that the best fathers day present he ever received
was the cigar that burned a hole in the tie that his mother in law gave him.
I am sure there are ties that lie in the backs of closets that could trigger
a revolution in neckwear if they ever saw the light of day. I once wore a
tie that my mother in law gave me and the thing kept tightening up as the
day progressed...Hhhhhhmmmmmmmmm.
No matter how you look at it there is a lot of love that goes into getting
those stupid looking neck ornaments and if you keep them around long enough
every five years or so the ones you've had hanging in the back of the closet
will come into fashion.
Whether you get a new pickup, a new set of clubs or that always favorite
tie, happy fathers day.
